


Unintended Emotions

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociation, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Tags May Change, Yagami Light Doesn't Remember Being Kira, Yagami Light is Kira, Yotsuba Arc (Death Note), but i dont think anything major will happen for a good bit, but it happens, but like, idk if this will be a sexual L/Light yet, it takes a while, like a little bit of gay confused fluff, like it's within the first two chapters, probably not, slow burn ig?, there will probably be romantic feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28166178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: L was a machine, striving to keep clean of deductive mistakes and pesky feelings.Light was perfect, set on a clear path destined for greatness and brilliant things.It went wrong when Light started it all. The Death Note, the killings, the emotions.Will these two breaking men be able to aid each other opening up, or will their messy and scattred brains be the downfall of them both?__________________________i am so sorry i am so bad at summaries o-o.n e wayz. the story is MUCH MUCH better than this terrible summary kdfjkdf. give it a chance plz i love you mwah.also yeah,,, a Death Note fanfic in 2020,, more common than i thought at first dkfjdkf|| updates when i have time 2 write ;-; ||
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is just kind of a little opening,, ig. i don't rlly know where i want this story to go yet, and honestly i might lose motivation if i don't think of anything brilliant either- but i'm hoping ppl like it enough to encourage me to keep it going or smth.
> 
> chapters will get immensely better as i get more invested into the story, and they might even get longer but idk yet lol. 
> 
> enjoy!! xx

With patience running thin, he swore that with every tap, ever smack of lips and jiggle of chain that he was being driven closer to insanity. Who in their right minds would eat cake in bed? All while perched in front of a computer displaying nearly every piece of evidence for the Kira case? Not to mention at four in the morning!

Light rolled over onto his back with a disgruntled sigh, his eyes shifting over to send L a nasty glare. Mustering up the most innocent face, the disheveled detective turned his head to face Light, mid-bite of his fourth slice of cake.

"What?" L talked around the fork shoveling a mouthful of the sweet dessert into his mouth, using tightly pressed lips to remove every last bit of cake on the fork prongs before letting his lips smack shut. Even though this was becoming a ritual at this point (L staying up far too late, Light being annoyed yet again, cake crumbs under the sheets, too-tight handcuffs making his wrist itchy, etc.), Light found all of L's antics extremely distracting and annoying. Though, he would never admit that the detective looked rather ~~cute~~ young and childish, being "caught" in the act of this all.

"You know exactly _what_ , Ryuzaki." Light couldn't help the bitter tone of his voice, and he thought he should have a right to be fed up with this all. With his eyes trained on the hunched-over man, Light shifted slightly so he was propped up on his elbows, his glare towards the other softer than it was before (and of course he blamed it on the lack of rest he had been getting recently).

"Light-kun will have to be more direct," L leaned over the back of his computer to lay the half-eaten plate of cake onto the bed, before resuming his perched position, this time facing his prime suspect. "I see nothing of interest over here unless Light-kun can see something I can't. Perhaps a ghost? Or an imaginary friend of his?" The detective tried to hold back from giving a shit-eating grin, though it was a bit hard when he found getting under Light's skin to be rather enjoyable.

Sure, he mainly used these techniques, if one could call them that, in order to rile up the other, hoping to get a confession or at least a slight slip of the tongue. Now, however, L found that being a little more friend-like with Light could benefit the case, and his own personal pleasures.

The teen gave an irritated huff, rolling his eyes at L's words. "I don't have imaginary friends. Besides, I thought you were supposed to be a genius..?" Light smirked a bit, cocking his head to the side slightly as he eyed the detective. He was fairly sure that insult was used before, both by him and Aizawa, but he didn't mind. If L could constantly anger him and try to pry something (cough a confession cough) out of him, then Light was allowed to bite back a little, or a lot, depending on just how terribly L had annoyed him that day.

L made a curious noise at that inquiry, resorting to leaning forward and catching himself on his hands, taking a stance on all fours. Light's mouth parted and eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and then slight fear as L crawled his way over to plant himself directly in front of him. "Light-kun didn't object to seeing something I can't see. Is it a ghost? A hallucination?"

The detective leaned in rather close, and Light had the clear conscience to lean back in response, though that just resulted in L followed close behind. "Or perhaps... A Shinigami?" It was meant merely as a joke, something rare from the usually monotone man. Light, however, didn't find it funny one bit. He was more confused than anything, and still a bit uncomfortable from how the other just assumed a primal stance and ran at him over the bed.

"I... I don't see how gods of death relate to me being annoyed by your messy cake eating habits." He practically spat at L, seething through his teeth as he was on the brink of losing his cool completely. Though, he wouldn't let himself get to that point because then another (higher) percentage would be directed at him from the other.

L hummed a bit, sensing that Light was either uncomfortable, trying to evoke a reaction from him, or both. It was most likely both, and L found himself smiling a bit at the thought of Light trying to compete with him, even in silly and meaningless fights like these.

"Well, I don't see why else Light-kun would be staring at me with such an emotional face. He must've seen something rather odd, no?"

L brought his thumb up to his mouth, placing the nail between his teeth like a child. Though there could be many reasons Light was observing him, L knew that the teen at least had enough sanity left in him that he wasn't seeing things. Still, his face always held so many expressions when he got lost in thought or was glaring at L. It was hard to notice at first, but one could almost feel just how fast his thoughts were moving. There was no doubt that Light was a brilliant person, his intelligence rivaling, or rather on par, with L's own. He could see him accomplishing so many great things, especially if he could take him under his wing, though it was so very unfortunate that he was, in fact, a very key aspect of the task force, alongside a prime suspect for the Kira Killings. Perhaps once this all passes over they might meet again in the future, and hopefully under better circumstances. 

"The only _odd_ thing I saw was a disproportionate rat making a mess of his cake." Light gave off another huff, opting to lay flat on his back to avoid L's breath as much as possible. Besides having just eaten half a cake himself, the guy had rather poor hygiene, though he would never mention anything about it to L.

L was a bit surprised by the sudden insult based on his looks (or perhaps just behavior), though he suspected Light would try something like that soon enough. It had been a while since their last verbal fight, with the exception of deciding what to do with Matsuda after he “accidentally” let Misa go through the investigation files with him. His intentions were pure, but Misa-Misa wasn’t exactly part of the task force, nor a detective or someone capable of comprehending Light or L’s notes. Plus, L knew that she was most likely, without a doubt, the second Kira. 

“Hm, does Light-kun not know that sugar keeps the brain active?” 

“Light-kun _does_ know that, he just prefers to keep his eating to the kitchen, and not the bed.” The honey-haired teen wasn’t sure when he picked up L’s habit of talking about others in the third person, but he was fairly sure it was only a mere rebuttal tactic, mocking the detective for his strange ways. 

“Hmm…” L went quiet after that, both men studying each other’s features silently to try and predict the next words out of their mouth. It was a battle between geniuses, and quite obviously it was a struggle for Light to get into L’s mind. Sure, they understood each other basically on a molecular level, so that meant the older detective could always be either one step behind or twenty steps ahead. Rather, he was an unpredictable case. 

From the stiffening glare in Light’s eyes, L could predict that he was hard at work trying to crack L’s demeanor. Undeniably, however, it was rather clear that the younger wouldn’t be able to do that so easily.

“Alright, I give in.” Light spoke with slight disappointment, eyes shifting to look off into the dark corner of his shared room. 

“And what does Light-kun exactly give in to?” 

This wasn’t so much a question of what Light was doing, but of what they were both doing. The unspoken games that the two intelligent males often find themselves competing to win (though the prize wasn’t clear) were entertaining to L. He found himself eager to hopefully hear Light’s thinking, since the teen was always so closed off and reluctant to spill anything about his feelings. 

L, however, didn’t want to get ahead of himself. It was two very different things to understand the brilliance of Light’s mind, and then actually get to know the depth of his intelligence. Clever people are usually sneaky and far too aware of everything (L knowing from personal experience), so the older detective knows it would be quite the challenge to crack Light. Of course, he would never take drastic measures, but one did have to whittle down mental stability to get information from stubborn suspects. 

The process was tedious, and call him a sadist if you will, but L could hardly wait until Light’s mental health was balancing on a sky-scraping tower, teeter-tottering on the edge of insanity and sanity. He had to be careful though, since the human mind was a delicate thing. One wrong move and Light could be thrown into the sharks, and L could not have that being the fate of his prime (and possibly only) suspect. 

A suspect who was slightly thrown off their path would be confused, and disorganized people usually seek help from those closest to them. L could manage in marinating Light just this once, though he can’t promise the other will give in to it. The younger male presented as a rather ingenuous individual, touch-starved from a young age. It was obvious to the detective that Light had a less than perfect childhood. His father was working a lot, the man being kept busy with the workload the NPA dropped on him. His mother wasn’t always present emotionally, though his sister did seem more capable of being someone to lean on. 

Sayu Yagami was a very bright young woman, and though she may not be on Light’s level of intelligence, she is mentally capable of being a shoulder for her brother to lean on. If L was careful enough, he could probably take on that sibling-esc approach towards things, hopefully egging Light into finding solace in his presence. Wammy and several research articles informed the older man that physical affection was proven to be a rather successful attempt to comfort someone, get them to trust you. It might be a little (or a lot) dirty, but it was nothing Light and L himself couldn’t recover from, right?

“I give into this God-awful game you started-” The honey-haired teen rolled over onto his side, L moving back to compensate for the loss of space he just received. The detective peered down at Light, the teen returning the gaze. 

“I didn’t initiate anything. Light-kun was the one to comment on my actions. Those of which I find nothing wrong with.”

“Well I do not appreciate waking up to find _your_ cake crumbs under the sheets.” Light pursed his lips, letting a small yawn slip through his teeth. Despite being tired out from this mindless bickering, the teen’s pride was far too big to retire for the night just yet. He could sense L was onto him, though the detective didn’t comment on Light’s current state. 

Instead, he gave a gentle hum, leaning back to lower the screen of his computer before returning to his previous spot, assuming the same position of Light. L tucked his hands under his head, knees pulled snuggly up to his chest as a sort of comfort. It was a subconscious effort that he picked up when first under the care of Wammy, and something he never seemed to grow out of. There was no urgent need to, though, since this only seemed to add to his whole peculiar yet captivating energy. 

“So, now you sleep?” Light had seen L rest before, though it was only for short periods of time, and really only when he passed out at the desk when he stayed awake for a surprising 105 hours. It was a new record for the detective, and Light could never do such a thing. He was already grumpy and sluggish when missing a mere two or three hours of sleep, though he was starting to see the beginning of rather concerning eye bags on his face. 

“Though it may not seem it, I am still human, Light-kun.” L gave a sly smile, teasing the younger slightly. Sometimes people seemed to forget L wasn’t a machine, no matter how abnormal he acted.

It is how he raised himself, however. If he was going to fall through with his plans to break Light into confessing, this cold and practiced demeanor would have to go for a bit. For the first time in a while, the detective was afraid. Afraid that he might lose control of his emotions once again, letting his personal feelings cloud his judgment and deductive reasoning. The things he would act out, however, would merely be just that, an act. They would not be real, they couldn’t be.

Programmed like a machine, L knew that anything he showed to others was not _real._ Wammy had observed the change in L’s behavior for years, but there was nothing he could do. Any time the older man tried to offer help, offer a hand or shoulder to lean on, L was quick to make it clear there would be none of that. 

If it ever slipped out that the detective saw himself as nothing more than a machine, and he knew others probably did too, he couldn’t imagine what would come of it. L felt it was to stay as an unsaid agreement, hoping that would cause the least amount of conflicts. 

He was a machine. A robot. Not human. Humans made flaws and mistakes, and… those were bad. Machines, however, never make mistakes. People don’t want any fallacies to be made when investigating murder or drug raids. His computerized reflection could help him with that. When his clients saw nothing more than a screen and a gothic style “L”, he knew then that there would be no more heart-wrenching feelings, no reasons to get attached. 

It was moments like these that L wished things could’ve gone differently for him. Maybe then he could feel some remorse for what he was going to do to Light. 

What he didn’t realize yet, however, was that he was already letting things slip, albeit slowly, by choosing to make himself known to the task force, as well as Light. He could feel the attachment brewing, starting to swirl deep within him behind undisturbed walls. It was something L never thought he would experience again, so they were pushed away to be dealt with later, and later, and later. 

“Goodnight, Ryuzaki.” Light sighed softly, taking slight notice of the faraway look in L’s eyes. There were certain things the honey-haired teen would never understand about the older male, and he wasn’t sure if he would ever get the meet the actual human side of him. Though, he wondered, if it would be better for them to stay this way. 

“Goodnight, Light-kun.”

Light was really hoping L would manage to sleep at least for a little bit, compared to the other nights when he stayed up to watch him as he slept. It was rather concerning at first, though Light could feel himself not minding it as much anymore. 

Just as he feared from the beginning, he was starting to grow rather fond of the older detective, despite all the accusing percentages and sweets.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mwah* chapter 2!! this one is def longer than the last, nd it took me awhile to write as well bc of the holidays kdfjkdf
> 
> enjoy!! xx

* * *

Light hated knowing that he was forgetting things. Things, events, occurrences, that were not only essential to the case, but also proving his innocence. When he tried to think back to why exactly he and Misa were together, it just wasn’t  _ there _ . Blank. Void. 

Why couldn’t he remember? It’s not like he wanted to forget everything, who would want something like that? Light wanted to recollect his memories, prove to L that he was innocent, and move on with this case. He wanted to recall the exact scenes of meeting Misa, meeting L, joining the task force. 

Light  _ needed _ to remember because, without these key elements to his memory, he was nothing more than a prime suspect, a wannabe detective. 

He could feel it too, the changes and loss in memories. It was an inner battle he kept fighting, kept pushing and pushing. Light struggled to recall even the most simple of events, and it bothered him. That failure stuck with him, dragging him down and under until he couldn’t breathe and sinister laughter filled his ears. 

It felt like he was being mocked by something he wasn’t, but something that was a part of him. It made bile rise up his throat at the thought of that, being controlled by something that he didn’t agree with, something that was evil and wrong and terrible. It made him think, “Maybe L is right. Maybe I was Kira, am Kira.”

That concept made Light’s stomach churn with pure disgust, horrified at the very possibility that he could’ve been capable of something like that. He didn’t  _ want _ to be Kira, he really fucking didn’t. Kira’s killings were flawed, and only got more corrupt with time passing. It was obvious there were two different Kiras, two different belief systems, two different entities.

Something else Light despised entirely was that his morals lined up with the first Kira’s faiths. Huge and incredibly corrupt criminals did deserve death, the world would just be better and purer with those terrible souls rid from the Earth. It doesn’t mean that every criminal should be punished in such a permanent way, but some would most definitely be better off dead than rotting away in prison. 

Maybe L was right, again. Maybe Light really was nothing more than a murderer, a cold blooded murderer who thought he was a god. What a shame that would be. 

Sighing softly, the honey-haired teen brought a hand up to rub at his eyes, the clinking of the chain catching L’s attention who was no more than five feet away. 

“Is Light-kun tired? I told him he shouldn’t have bothered with that silly fight.” L mocked Light, turning himself around in his chair to face the other. 

There was no doubt in either L or Light’s mind that the teen was tired, definitely in more ways than one. Though, there was only one side truly showing itself, and even then it was mildly concerning. If the purple eyebags and restless sleep plagued by tossing and turning and nightmares were anything to go by, then it was that Light was suffering from moderate insomnia. 

Light, however, was the only one who knew the true cause of his sleeping problems. Nights stayed up constantly pondering about what had become of him, what had become of his future. Needless to say the consequences were soon to show up, though the physical aspects of being deprived for so long were making themselves known rather quickly. 

“Yes, Ryuzaki, I am tired.”

_ I’m tried of constantly being bearded with your stupid percentages and accusations. I’m tired of feeling like something is eating away at my heart. I’m tired of being under constant surveillance. I’m tired of living with this constant fear- _

That last thought made Light’s heart stop a bit, though he didn’t want to dwell on it for much longer. It was already far too much to live with the possibility of being Kira, he didn’t need to bring any of  _ that _ into his life.

“Then perhaps we should retire for the day-”

L was cut off abruptly when Light stood from his chair, shaking his head as he waved a hand in the direction of the kitchen. “Nothing a little coffee can’t fix.”

Light was unfortunately at that point in his life when he couldn’t go a day without at least two cups of coffee, and it certainly came faster and earlier than he was originally predicting. Of course, it was blamed on the case. 

The older detective nodded, swiftly bringing himself out of his chair to lead Light into the kitchen area. L figured if the other was going to grab coffee, he could at least indulge in some more sweets.

With L perched on the counter and holding a bag of cheap yen shop candies in a peculiar way, much like they were radioactive, Light turned to the coffee machine. Usually he would prefer to brew and steep the beverage himself, but life at the Kira HQ didn’t exactly let him take his time with most things. 

It was a bit inconvenient since the teen liked to keep busy, making a subconscious effort to stray away from his amuck thoughts as much as humanly possible. He hated being left alone to sit idly by as dangerous and intrusive things whirled around his head, so by keeping busy with studying, cleaning, cooking, etc., Light was giving himself an escape. Of course many other… not-so-healthy options came before those (and, unfortunately, still pop up from time to time).

“Ryuzaki?”

“Yes, Light-kun?” L brought his head up from the counter, his arm now outstretched as Light was further away than before, pulling on the handcuff’s chain. 

“Did… Did you really mean it when you thought I was nothing more than a murderer?” The teen kept his head down, staring at his freshly poured coffee. A small tea spoon was used to stir the coffee, though there was no cream or sugar. The fidgeting motion was out of character for Light. L never knew the teen to fidget or move around in such small ways, so it was an obvious sign of anxiety. 

Keeping his eyes trained on Light’s moving hands, the detective gave himself a moment to ponder about this question.

It was apparent to L the answer Light was hoping to receive, and the one he was expecting to receive. It was also clear that the teen may even be doubting his own personal beliefs. L didn’t blame him. From all that he’s been through, Light’s ought to be confused about what he truly believes in now. Something the detective doubted, however, was the loss of memories and outlook on the Kisa case. 

He couldn’t understand how someone could just lose weeks and months worth of memories. It just wasn’t able to be explained by scientific reasoning, unless the teen were to agree to get a medical examination.

Even then, the line up with the failure of recollection and some of the major leads in the Kira case, it wasn’t looking too good for Light’s innocence. There were just far too many mysterious incidents and unfortunate occurrences to be labeled as coincidences. 

A part of L seriously considered the fact that when he started this whole investigation, agreeing to take it on as he only did to ones that peaked his interest, he wanted Light to be Kira. It would save him from the embarrassment of making a mistake, and he wouldn’t have to bear on with that dreadful boulder of failure on his back. 

It was a handful of selfish decisions full of hope, and both L and Light’s pride were big enough to be the fall of them both. 

“No, not necessarily. Although I do believe that Kira is a delusional murderer who views themself as a god, I don’t believe that you yourself are a cold blooded murderer,” L had discarded the bag of sweets to the counter, hands resting comfortably on his knees as he looked over to Light. The teen still remained with his head facing down towards the coffee mug, the stirring motion now stopped in place.

“Even if you were Kira at some point, and did actually lose your memories as you claim to have-”

“I did though! I really did lose them Ryuzaki!” Light spun around to face the older detective, his eyes raging with a fury of strong emotions. L could feel the passion and venom seeping from the glare he was receiving, and he could honestly not tell if that raised the chances of Light being Kira, or lessened them. 

No one could truly fake such intense emotions under a fire of self-deprecating thoughts, right? L doubted Light was that good of an actor, though he certainly had undergone some rather dire changes during the expanse of time they had known one another. 

“I have tried, so hard, to recall every detail of my life since we’ve met, and even far before that! My sleep has been- has been plagued with these awful images of some demon that seems so awfully familiar!” Light took a few steps forward from his coffee, heading towards the direction of L. His hands gestured to his chest, fists curled tightly into balls that kept himself from punching the nearest object. The detective before him, seemingly unbothered by the beginning of either a breakdown or temper tantrum, just stared ahead, letting himself soak in everything Light had to say. Regardless, the slight stuttering caught L off guard, since Light was  _ never _ at a loss for words. 

“Do you  _ think _ I wanted to forget why Misa and I started dating? Do you think I  _ wanted _ to forget the entrance ceremony? Is that really what you believe, L? That I would stop myself from remembering extremely relevant information to the Kira case, just landing me in a more dangerous spot of being guilty?”

Light had crept several inches closer to L, their faces mere inches apart. If this were some cheesy romance drama that Misa or Sayu watched, then ideally the two males would’ve kissed, but this is no movie.

Instead, L and Light peered into eachothers eyes for far too long, both minds running with unanswered questions neither dared to ask and words neither bold enough to voice. It was a sinister silence, one tormented by soundless accusations. Light could almost hear L calculating the next percentage he would be so dauntless to spit out. It made him want to scream and shout and throw everything within his reach.

He couldn’t believe that he had let himself get so damn out of control. Maybe he did need to let off some steam, but he really didn’t need to let it all out on L. The poor guy didn’t even do all that much! Of course, there were several things that fucked Light up majorly, but that was all just for the case, right? It was all for the case… 

L, on the other hand, could feel the deep settled rage leak out of Light. It was dangerous and piping hot, and one wrong move or word could send the teen into overdrive, erupting like a viscous volcano. L was a bit curious on seeing Light being pushed a bit more over the edge, and he was willing to do something about that. The eagerness of it all, to witness such a big and explosive outrage, was overwhelmingly so. Though, L may just very well be a very wicked and ill-thought out sadist. That didn’t bother him, though, since some things would just come all the more naturally to him. 

So, instead of dwelling on all the possible things the detective could do to get Light to bubble up ever more, he decided to act on it… by throwing a nice swing right at Light’s nose. 

Ouch.

The honey-haired teen stumbled back, letting out a low yelp as he brought a hand up to catch the blood gushing from his nose, though that did very little. He raised his head to look up at L, who slid off the counter and shook his fist, a little shocked at how hard he had just hit Light. 

“Now, if you-”

The detective was cut off, again, from a punch aimed right at his jaw, sending him back against the cupboards. Thankfully, the impact didn’t yank Light along with it, though quite a few items fell from the cabinet above. L looked sadly towards the fallen box of shortbread cookies, those of which came from his home back in England.

“My biscuits…” Unexpectedly, the disheveled man lunged at Light, very much saddened at the crummy and ruined cookies that laid out all over the kitchen floor. 

The two males tumbled to the floor, wrestling like children at a playground. The movements were fumbled and messy, though that didn’t stop either from grasping at unbrushed hair and wrinkled shirts. L remained on top for quite some time before Light found the sudden strength to roll them over as he pressed a hand to the detectives face.

“What the hell Ryu-”

“You ruined the biscuits!”

“Quit being an ass about it! They’re cookies-”

Several more curses and yells were thrown to one another, nearly inaudible over the banging of fists and feet. L was able to get the upper angle one final time before the door of the kitchen opened, relieving a rather disbelieving Wammy. 

“Ahem.”

The white-haired man cleared his throat, able to stay composed though he was quite shocked by just what he was looking at. The two tangled men on the floor whipped their heads over to look towards the doorway, Light’s face paling slightly as he saw Wammy, then regaining a bit of a pink colour as he pushed L off his lap, flustered from the rather intimate position.

A moment later, a panting Light and L picked themselves off the floor, the detective staring sadly at the fallen tin of cookies while Light seemed rather out of it, not bothered by the blood soiling his shirt and drying on his skin.

“Ryuzaki, may you explain?” Wammy questioned softly, making his way over to the teen first as he handed him a handkerchief. Light’s nose was probably broken, considering L was stronger than he looked and judging off the sheer amount of blood. 

“Light started it.”

“No I didn’t! You threw the first punch!”   
  


“-And you spilled the biscuits!”

“You still punched me first!”

“That-”

Wammy sent a silent and undetected glare towards L, the detective closing his mouth as the look sent a shudder down his spine. He could tell Wammy was more than displeased of his actions, thought it didn’t bother him at all, really. 

As the old man left L to cool down, he gladly gave his attention towards Light who was rather concerningly quiet. He instructed the teen to look up at him before grabbing one of the nearest first aid cases (one of the many littered throughout the HQ building).

It wasn’t his first time dealing with a possibly broken nose, considering L had gotten one not too long ago, though it was a bit odd how little Light seemed to be affected by the pain, even when Wammy realigned the fractured bones. Still, he was pleased that there was no more angry bickering between L and Light. 

Unfortunately, however, that left all three of the men to their own thoughts. 

Wammy warned L to take it easy on Light, since the teen had been through far too much considering he was still eighteen, barely an adult. Though as it was clearly made, L had no intentions of reconsidering his plans. 

It saddened the old man to hear that, though there was really nothing he could do. L refused to take any sort of advice, whether it was from him or another professional, and it worried him greatly. The detective’s actions reminded him of a few of the other children back at Wammy’s House.

Many of them feared adults, though warmed up to Wammy eventually. Still, they barely listened most of the time and declined even the smallest of advice. Over time most of them learned to accept help when it was very much needed, though a very select few, L being one of them, grew up extremely stubborn and independent. 

Wammy could see the same behaviour in Light. Though the teen accepted this help with his nose, he was highly doubtful of the words from others, always turning to his own head when things got more than a little out of hand.

That was something dangerous any mental health professional could agree on, and Wammy only hoped that the teen would open up soon, though arguably to not L. The guy was practically a machine, and viewed himself as one too. 

There was no doubt in L’s mind that he was destined to stay hidden away behind a screen, shielded from society’s harsh words about someone like him. Besides, who would put their trust in a raggedy and sickly looking man? No one, that’s who. Nowadays, however, many people found solace in phones and computers and other technological devices, so why couldn’t he offer services through that?

The screen was the beginning of it all, and L doubted it would be something he would ever give up. After the Kira Case, he would go back to hiding behind a screen.

It was good for another reason too: L’s concerning lack of social skills. 

Wammy was always sent out for the voice of L, since the man he worked for had almost no knowledge of how to talk to people. It’s also why he was so reluctant to meet with his clients face-to-face. Unfortunately, Wammy was hoping L would grow out of this stage soon, considering his own time was likely coming to an end. He had been on this Earth for far too long at this point, and though neither him nor L wanted to word it, his death was creeping closer and closer. 

“Alright, Light, your nose should be stable for now. Just please don’t get punched in the face again or get the plasters wet.” Wammy gave a small smile, his eyes wrinkling at the edges from old age before he turned his attention to the pouting L.

Though the detective only seemed heartbroken over the spoiled sweets, Wammy could tell that was only the surface of his despair.

“Ryuzaki, I can easily order more of those, it’s not a big deal,” Wammy placed a hand on the detective’s shoulder, only to have him shrug away. Of course he wouldn’t want any help.

A bit disappointed, Wammy resorted to cleaning up the mess that was made, keeping an ear open for anything the two might need. It was the least he could do for the two rather stubborn men. The similarity between them brought a small smile to the old man’s face, drowning out the alarms that went off in his head. It was foolish to think this wouldn’t happen again, and be worse the next times.

“You two will retire to your quarters. I’ll notify Asahi of your absence for the rest of the day.” He stated firmly, rather than a suggestion, since he knew both L and Light would refuse the offer. Wammy would make sure to double-check and make sure L doesn’t have any resources to continue work. 

Silently, Light gave a soft tug to the chain, alerting L that they would be leaving. 

The walk back to their room was silent, though it wasn’t comfortable or uncomfortable. There was still an unsettling tension between the two of them, but there wasn’t a single comment made on it. Light took the lead in guiding them back, his steps automated like a robot since he had made that walk hundred of times before.

Without the conversations to keep him busy, Light was left to fend off any recurring thoughts.

He knew he fucked up, it went without a single doubt. What started off as an attempt to clear his conscience, ended up as a brawl between him and a poor-hygienic detective. It was hard to suppress his anger when everything had been brewing for so long.

Light knew more than anyone that keeping things hidden for so long was a terrible idea, but he certainly hadn’t expected to lash out at L like that. He inwardly cursed himself for being so foolish, and only knew that such a terribly consequential tantrum like that from him would only result in the older detective suspecting him more.

The thought of him being so mindless and stupid made Light want to throw another fit, though he knew it wouldn’t land him anywhere good. Watari already wasted enough resources on him just from fixing his nose and picking up the mess he made, there wasn’t anything more he would submit the elderly man to. 

“Light-kun?”

The teen picked his head up that he didn’t know dropped forward, and looked ahead, where L stood in front of their door. The handcuff pulled uncomfortably at his wrist, and only then did Light realize that the chain was being pulled tightly against his wishes. 

“You froze in your tracks. Are you…” L trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. It was disgusting, actually feeling like he cared for Light. Machines did  _ not _ care for humans, it just wasn’t in their coding.

“I’m fine, Ryuzaki.” Light swallowed thickly, moving closer to L as he pushed open the door for them both. The detective silently slipped through the door, Light quickly following suit. It felt wrong to talk so soon, especially when both knew the other was thinking too much.

Despite this unsaid agreement, L decided he had had enough silence, and Light didn’t feel like being left alone in his own head anymore. 

“I apologize for breaking your nose, Light-kun.”

Light remained silent for the time being, opting to lay down on the bed with his back turned towards the older detective. Sure, he wanted to talk to the other, but he just really didn’t know if he could. It was like he was once again a prisoner of his own thoughts, different ideas ranging all the way from “shit, I forgot my coffee” to, quite literally, death. 

“You’re… It’s fine, Ryuzaki,” The teen turned his head back to finally look at L after a few minutes, who was now also in the bed. He wasn’t making eye contact with Light, but the teen knew the detective heard him. 

Honestly, though, Light didn’t care if L was listening to him or not. At this point, he couldn’t find much to care about other than proving his innocence and capturing Kira, but even then the distant perks and rewards of it all seemed distant, and not worth his time anymore. Of course Light’s pride was too big to give up now, and he would probably end up dead before throwing in the towel on this case.

The honey-haired teen shifted onto his back, resting his forearm over his eyes with a soft sigh.

L watched from his perched position, his mind, for once, not running constantly with theories and accusations. The occasional snarky comment he  _ could _ make popped up, though he knew that Light wasn’t in the mood for anymore bickering. A first for the both of them. Obviously L would pretty much always be up for a little debate, even if it were over something silly like if colors really existed or not, but right now Light’s somber mood was affecting him now as well. 

Light felt the bed dip beside him, but he paid it little mind. Maybe if L got a little rest for once, he wouldn’t be so inclined to throw another punch.

Something the teen did pay mind to, however, was the weight placed on his shoulder. He didn’t immediately lift his arm to peak over to his right, since he figured it was only L’s head. Light was a little confused though, and so was even the detective himself.

It was… new… this strange and foreign feeling of what some might consider to be comfort. It wasn’t like L  _ never _ had human contact before, Whammy used to hold his hand when walking the streets at a younger age, and there were a few head pats and encouraging shoulder squeezes (all, of course, at a young age). This felt different though. It was warmer, more homey, more  _ human _ .

For once in his life, the automated detective could say he felt safe in the presence of another person, besides Wammy. 

And worst of all? L didn’t hate it. No, rather he enjoyed it, liked it, loved it even. This wasn’t right, no- no it wasn’t right. Machines weren’t supposed to enjoy things, they can’t love things either! Especially not comfort.

Still, the detective didn’t act on any of the screaming warning signs going off in his brain. He didn’t react to the burning itch to throw himself across the room and lock himself in a closet. He just layed there, still and unmoving, and slightly stiff, with his head resting against Light’s shoulder. Oh yeah, Light. 

Was the teen alright with this? Was this making him uncomfortable? Surely this was an odd situation, right? L should probably move- No he definitely should. This wasn’ right or good or… machine like…

* * *

Back down in the kitchen, Wammy was finishing off a few more chores and cleaning up the aftermath of the fight. He blocked out Soichiro and Aizawa’s conversation, since it was seen as impolite to listen in on a conversation that was not yours. Besides, he could always go back to the CCTV camera footage later if he thought there might be something of interest or importance. 

After placing a tea towel next to the sink, a mug caught his attention. After walking over to it, the older gentleman recognized it to be Light’s coffee which he seemed to have forgotten. Being the good man he is, Wammy made the wholesome decision to deliver the untouched drink to Light, and bring L something sweet.

A few beats later, Wammy was making his way out the kitchen and down the hallway, humming a gentle tune as he held a tray in his hands.

The journey was swift, and in no time he was able to make his way to L and Light’s room.

* * *

“Stop thinking so goddamn loud. ‘M tryna sleep.” 

L’s head snapped up a little too quickly, his neck aching at the sudden and sharp motion. His eyes locked with Light’s, which were half-lidded due to his sleepy state, and because of his rather sleep-headed state, the teen made the half-conscious decision to throw his one arm over the detective’s shoulders, the handcuffs rattling in protest to the movements.

L debated letting them both free for the night, though quickly tossed that idea out the window, trying to keep a level head. 

He tried to think about anything else but what was currently happening. In all honesty it was scary, but Light didn’t seem to be affected by it, which the detective was thankful for. Still, it felt too real to be true and something about it all just seemed… off. 

There was this nagging buzzing in the back of not only L’s head, but Light’s as well. 

The teen never knew the other to be an affectionate person, not even with a simple high-five or handshake. It worried him a bit, to be suddenly shown this closeness from L after another fight. Maybe he was- No, he was definitely hiding more than he was showing. For fucks sake, the guy was practically a robot!

Light never bothered to pry, however, since he knew he would just be getting himself into something he probably should stay away from, at least for the time being. Plus, he highly doubted that L would even consider letting him in. They weren’t  _ friends _ , and neither were each other’s psychiatrist. They were merely partners on a case that needed to be solved, and that also happened to have a task force with a prime suspect. It was purely business. 

Besides, if Light was to even slightly consider the very possibility of there being a romantic or even sexual aspect to his and L’s… situation, that was just pure insanity. He wasn’t gay, but he couldn’t say the same for the detective. In all honesty, the guy didn’t even seem capable of human attraction. 

Anyways, Light couldn’t be gay, he just couldn’t. He liked women, they were pretty and such. Even though he didn’t really understand why he was dating Misa, he could still tell that she was a good looking individual. 

Plus, wasn’t it  _ wrong _ to like the same gender? It’s what he was always used to, it’s what he was taught. These society presets were all around him, so why shouldn’t he follow them? Of course Light was a rather open person, so he should probably research instead of jumping to conclusions, but he honestly didn’t want to deal with another thing. The last thing he needed was to be constantly pressured to fit into society’s cookie-cutter standard for young men. 

He shifted to lay on his side, his arms stuck under L’s head as they both were face to face. Their faces weren’t all that close, but Light could feel L’s slightly harsh breathing against his nose. It was nice to be able to just lay there without a care about what was happening around him, especially since it felt like he needed a rather big break from the case and all. 

Light knew these experiences would end sooner or later, either due to a breakthrough in the case, or perhaps a more lethal ending. It was a terrible thing to think about, but it was a very real possibility, and that was terrifying to think about. It wasn’t something the teen was too interested in continuing to think about, however, so he figured bringing himself back to reality was a good idea.

Though as soon as he did, there was slight regret.

L had tucked himself under Light’s chin, be neither dared to comment on it. This was a never seen before affectionate moment from the detective, and quite frankly Light didn’t want to ruin it. Despite his outward “hatred” for the other, he wasn’t a totally soulless monster, it was nice to see someone finding comfort in his presence, no matter how abnormal the circumstances may be.

The click of a doorknob caught both male’s attention, quickly scrambling to get away from each other but not before L gave a quick slap to Light’s face. Obviously it was meant as a tactic to make it seem as if they were still at eachothers throats, but Light didn't catch on quick enough. 

“Oh- Ah, Watari, hello.” The detective greeted the eldest male with a small and quite obviously forced smile. L didn’t smile unless it was positively necessary, and that was quite rare nowadays. 

“Good evening, Ryuzaki, Light.” Wammy maneuvered around the room, pushing down a cheeky and knowing smile, though he himself wasn’t quite sure what he knew, but he did understand that it was something neither of the male’s would want him being aware of. 

“I brought the coffee Light had left behind, and a few things for you, Ryuzaki. I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

“Oh not at all, we were just… uh-”

“I said something stupid and L got ‘offended,’’ Light stepped in on L’s behalf, not ready to witness the detictive break down over not being able to think up an excuse. 

Wammy gave an affirmable hum, arranging the tray he brought for easy access. There were lingering thoughts that something was off, and the energy and nervous looks L and Light shared were dead giveaways that something was up. But, there were no remarks or utterances made regarding it.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to rest for tomorrow, good night,” Wammy made his way over to the door, Light already starting to pester L about being hit.

“You didn’t need to  _ slap _ me.”

“-And how else do you expect me to cover up for…  _ that _ ?”

“But you didn’t! I had to cover for you!”

The old gentleman closed the door with another hum, making his way back to his quarters. It was nice to see not all of the fighting was negative, some being light-hearted, but he worried for both L and Light’s mental health. It wasn’t unheard of for L to be harsher than needed, but Wammy hoped the detective could stick to moral standards at least this once. Light wasn’t as stable as he first appeared to be, and neither was L. 


End file.
